Still missing my Daddy

 Today was one of the worst days since Daddy has been gone.  I think the pain is settling in and it is getting harder to breathe.  My best friend from High School, Jeff Nicholas, lives in Lubbock and visited Daddy's grave yesterday to clean it up and put flowers on it.  My Dad just adored Jeff and all he did for our family.  Jeff and I got into a lot of mischief to say the least in high school and somehow when we see each other it is like time has never passed.  Jeff sent these pictures to me yesterday and I love them so much.  They made me smile just at the right time.  It was the first time I had seen Dad's date of death added to his grave.  However, I am still struggling to find out how one moves on without someone that meant so much to them.  I know it can be done, I know I am not the only one with a great loss.  However, grief is hard.  In fact, the hardest lesson I have ever tried to learn.  I long for one more minute, one smile, one hug, one more "I love you Sweetie", one more everything.  I have the best of friends who send me verses, encouragement, laughs and more.  However, no matter what, the pain lingers and it is tough.  I went to my first funeral this morning since Dad's and I was not expecting the emotions that came flooding back.  Needless to say I spent about 3 hours tonight alone.  Just walking and driving.  I added about 3 miles to my legs, worked out and then laid on a park bench for a long time till dark.  I tried to be open and hear lessons from God, I praised him for my blessings, but one thing just continues to linger...my Daddy is gone.  I try to tell myself things like: time will heal, that grief will turn to smiles later, that he will always be with me, that he would be mad at me for crying, and so on.  But right now, none of that matters.  For now, I cling to God's promise that one day we will be reunited.  I love you Daddy.