In the darkness

I believe a mother's heart will always be for her children.  I want nothing but the best that life can offer my children.  This includes my children that have fur as well.  Since Bear started his battled with Uveodermatological Syndrome (UDS) years before he was 2, I have prayed over him.  I knew the statistics and that this awful disease would continue to attack his skin and eyes for the rest of his life.  I also knew that I would be his #1 advocate and do everything humanly possible to protect and love him no matter what. Though we give him 3 different types of oral pills and 6 different eye drops (eye drops 3 times per day, so that is 18 drops a day) daily, the disease slowly worsens.  His Ophthalmologist has prepared us for total blindness for a while, so we have done all that we can to prepare for the day.  I just thought that day would be farther down the road.  As of today, Bear has days of total blindness.  On his best days, we believe he sees large objects if there is enough of a light contrast.  We have learned to pat the right side of our leg to train him by sound.  This was especially important in the initial days when going up and down the stairs and avoiding furniture.  I decided pretty quickly that I could sulk and cry for days...but I owe it to Bear to put on my big girl panties and help teach him.  He was pretty lethargic for the first week of blindness (around mid October) and preferred to lay around.  It was like dealing with a depressed child.  I decided that he needed to stick to his routine as much as possible which included him going upstairs to help tuck the kids into bed.  I remember the first time he went upstairs.  He did a few stairs on his own and then crouched in fear straddled between stairs.  No matter what encouragement or kisses I gave, he froze.  Through my tears, I literally drug him the rest of the way up (all 65lbs of him) and then rolled around loving on him.  Each time after that he gained confidence and learned to navigate the stairs.  Now he will attempt the stairs on his own and appears to have no fear.  I wanted full healing and still believe God is capable of doing so. However, I also know 100% that God's timing is always perfect.  He is never early, and he is never late.  At his doctor appointment today, his pressure levels were in the mid 30's in both eyes (supposed to be in the teens) and we had to wait at the doctor's office to get meds to bring them down some.  It seems to be a roller coaster as we navigate monthly visits to the Dermatologist and Ophthalmologist.  Though we do not know the future for Bear, we work hard to help him navigate life and in turn he is the very best snuggler, keeps us laughing all the time, and will forever be our fur baby.  The amount of joy he brings to everyone he meets is unmeasurable!